Caregiver Toolkit

By Dr. Irina Koyfman, DNP

A note from me

If you are caring for an aging parent while raising children, you are not alone, and you are not failing. You are carrying a lot.

I made this toolkit to give you simple tools you can use this week: a checklist for doctor visits, a simple way to describe symptoms, a one page care organizer, and questions to ask your employer about caregiver support. Print it, save it on your phone, or share it with a sibling who is helping.

With warmth,
Dr. Irina Koyfman, DNP

Checklist for doctor visits

A little preparation turns a rushed 15 minute visit into a useful one. Use this for your parent, your child, or yourself.

Before the visit

Write down the top 3 questions or worries, most important first
Describe any new symptoms using OLDCART (see below)
Bring a current list of all medicines, vitamins, and supplements, with doses
Bring insurance cards, photo ID, and the names of other doctors involved
Ask your parent what matters most to them, so their voice is heard too
Optional: use an AI tool to turn your notes into clear, short questions (never share full names, birth dates, or ID numbers)

During the visit

Ask your most important question first
Take notes, or ask if you can record the conversation
Ask: "What is the plan, and what should we watch for?"
Ask: "Who do I call if things get worse, and after hours?"
Repeat back what you heard to make sure you understood

After the visit

Write down the plan and any medicine changes the same day
Schedule follow up appointments, tests, or referrals before you forget
Update the care organizer below
Share a short update with family members who help
If something in the visit summary is confusing, call the office and ask

How to describe a symptom: OLDCART

Nurses and doctors use OLDCART to understand a symptom quickly. When you walk in with these answers ready, the visit moves faster and nothing important gets missed. Here is an example for a parent who feels dizzy.

Letter	Stands for	Ask yourself	Example
O	Onset	When did it start? Was it sudden or slow?	Started 3 days ago, suddenly, when she stood up
L	Location	Where is it? Does it spread anywhere?	Whole head, does not spread
D	Duration	How long does each episode last?	About 1 minute each time
C	Character	What does it feel like?	Room spinning, feels off balance
A	Aggravating factors	What makes it worse?	Standing up fast, turning her head
R	Relieving factors	What makes it better? What have you tried?	Sitting down, drinking water
T	Timing	How often does it happen? Any pattern?	3 or 4 times a day, mostly mornings

Also rate how bad it is from 0 to 10, and note anything new that came with it, such as a new medicine, a fall, or a fever.

If a symptom is sudden and severe, like chest pain, trouble breathing, or signs of a stroke, do not wait for the appointment. Call 911.

One page care organizer

Keep one page like this for each person you care for. When an emergency comes, everything is in one place, and anyone in the family can step in.

About the person

Item	Details
Name
Main health conditions
Allergies
Preferred hospital
Pharmacy and phone
Insurance plan and member ID location
Where legal papers are kept (health care proxy, power of attorney)

Care team

Role	Name	Phone	Notes
Primary care doctor
Specialist
Specialist
Home care or aide

Medicines

Medicine	Dose	When taken	Prescribed by	Refill date

Who helps with what

Task	Family member	How often
Doctor visits
Medicines and refills
Bills and insurance
Groceries and meals
Phone calls and company

Upcoming appointments

Date	Doctor	Reason	Who goes

Questions to ask your employer

Many working caregivers never ask about support, so they never learn what is already there. Asking is not a weakness. It is planning. Take these questions to HR or your manager.

Time off and leave

Am I eligible for FMLA (unpaid, job protected family leave), and how do I apply?
Does our state or company offer paid family leave?
Can I use sick days or paid time off to care for a parent or child?
Can I take leave in short blocks or a few hours at a time, not only full weeks?

Flexibility

Could I adjust my hours, work from home some days, or shift my schedule for appointments?
If I need a temporary change, who approves it and how long can it last?

Benefits and help

Do we have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP)? Does it include caregiver counseling or referrals?
Do we offer backup care, elder care referrals, or a caregiver benefit through a partner company?
Is there a dependent care account I can use for adult day care or child care?
Is there an employee group for caregivers or parents I can join?

Before you go: write down what you need, for how long, and how your work will still get done. A clear plan makes a yes much easier.

Rules on leave differ by state and by company, so check your own handbook and ask HR to confirm anything in writing.

Where to go from here

These tools are a starting point. If you want the full system for caring for two generations without losing yourself, my books go deeper.

The Sandwich Generation Handbook: practical systems for managing care, honest guidance on guilt and burnout, and spiritual anchors for steadiness.
The AI Health Companion: how to use AI to prepare for appointments, understand test results, and keep care organized, with ready to use prompts.

For more tools, articles, and my talks, visit sandwich-generation.org. If your organization runs chronic care management or remote patient monitoring, visit affinityexpert.com.

Hosting a podcast, a caregiver group, or an employee event? I would love to join you. Invite me to speak.

This toolkit is for general information and does not replace advice from your own doctor or care team.